


moral dilemmas and going home

by Laureliar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Eventual SwanQueen, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, season 7 cannon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laureliar/pseuds/Laureliar
Summary: Diverges from 7x06, where Regina has a different response to Drizella's request to help kill her mother.Watching season 7, especially this episode I was always struck by how Regina seemed so tired. This is a Regina character piece about that feeling. a lil angst with a Swanqueen ending.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Drizella Tremaine | Ivy Belfrey, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82





	moral dilemmas and going home

**Author's Note:**

> okay I defs got some actual details of cannon wrong but ignore that. no research we die like men

“Help me kill my mother.” Regina’s first instinct is to refuse outright. She’s proud of herself for that at least. Regina at this stage in her life was so ready to give this girl a nauseating and unhelpful hope speech.

  
Instead she says, “Alright, but I have conditions.”

  
It is tough to tell whether Drizella or Regina are more surprised by her quick response. Regina knew what it was to be in this spot. Nothing in the world would’ve stopped Cora when Regina was this age. No amount of hope, or diplomacy could’ve saved Regina from her. The only things that truly allowed Regina modicums of freedom were switching realms, and death. If she stopped this now Drizella could keep her soft heart and experience freedom without having to do terrible things to win it.  
“What are the conditions?”

  
“There are only two. First, if we do this and you come to regret it, I need your word that you won’t take it out on my family.”

  
“Of course. I would never... I won’t regret it.” Drizella was speaking so earnestly, she was sweet really.

  
“Second, I have to be the one to do it.”

  
“What?”

  
“When the time comes I’m going to be the one who kills her, not you.” Regina is sure of this part. Her heart is a wretched twisted thing already. She could not count the number of lives she had ended, there was no need for Drizella to start down that path. “You shouldn’t have to kill anyone, let alone your own mother. It’s not easy.” She knew from experience. 

  
Drizella looks at her with shining eyes.”Okay” she whispered.

* * *

It is disturbingly easy to kill Lady Tremaine. She is not truly a witch. Any power she has is dwarfed in comparison to Regina at full force. Drizella’s knowledge of her home and her mother makes the whole operation swift and efficient. Regina morbidly thinks of it as Operation Scorpion and vows to never tell Henry about this unless she has to. When Regina pulled Lady Tremaine’s heart out of her chest she gasped but did not beg or cry. When Regina crushed the heart into dust she wondered vaguely how many of their problems could be solved if she just killed people. She dismissed the thought just as quickly, thinking of Rumple, Zelena, Mal, Emma as the Dark One, herself, and the split version of herself. This was almost never the answer. Regina could be the judge, jury and executioner if only to save Drizella’s soul.

  
Regina leaves Lady Tremaine’s body where it fell and opens the door to the hallway where Drizella is waiting. The girl had her arms wrapped around herself and was crying. When she hears Regina approached she looks up and said “thank you.”

  
“Come on. Let’s go back to the camp.”

* * *

She is thankful for the faith that Henry has in her when she receives only a minimal questioning upon arrival at the camp. “Drizella is staying with us now” is the majority of the explanation she gives. Jacinda and Tiana are more hostile and unsure but it is late and Regina is persuasive.

  
They settle down to sleep for the night with Drizella laying as close as she could to Regina without being inappropriate, and facing her. Drizella sleeps soundly however, Regina does not. Until that night it had been a long time since Regina last killed. It had been that day at the dock, a desperately thrown sword, all in attempts to save the Charmings. Crushing hearts were better than stabbings, they were less visceral but a sense of vague unease washes over Regina nonetheless. She feels decades older than anyone else here. She is decades older than anyone else here. She looks almost exactly the same as she had when she was the wife of the king all those years ago. She’d been so many people since then and she hasn’t even gotten a grey hair. It makes her wonder how many years of life she has left. Her son is grown up and in love and she seemingly hasn’t aged a day since she first held him in her arms. She wondered if the years under the curse had permanently changed the way time works on her. Maybe she would live well past a hundred. The thought exhausts her.

  
She turns her gaze to Drizella. As tired and worn as she is, she feels no regret.

* * *

It takes days for the resistance to realize that Lady Tremaine is dead. When it finally happens Regina waits for the sky to fall around her. She waits for the accusations but they never came. The Evil Queen never reigned in this realm. She is just another person here. Henry gives her loaded glances every now and then and questions why Drizella is here. Regina’s responses are purposely unhelpful, ranging from “she needs me to teach her about magic” to “she has nowhere else to be.” Henry must be able to sense how unsettled and unhappy Regina is feeling because for all his gentle prodding he hasn’t pushed yet. He knows her well enough to know she's done something, but perhaps he trusts her enough to not need to know the details.

  
Regina is the only person who wasn’t surprised by how well Drizella and Henry got along. Drizella is so much like her, and save for those few awful years Henry has always been a mama’s boy. Drizella loves to hear him talk about Storybrooke and his other adventures and he in turn listens with rapt attention when Drizella recounts her magic lessons with Regina. Regina has been focusing on the least malicious, most basic elements she could think of, teleportation, healing magic, illumination, manipulating inorganic material. She hasn’t felt confident in approaching offensive magic, or the control of organic beings, let alone heart removal. Perhaps Drizella never has to learn these things. Jacinda is more suspicious than Henry and Regina can't blame her. She gave Drizella a wide radius and seemed less at ease around Regina than she had been prior. Drizella stays close to Regina and Henry alternately. She has nightmares that make her shake in the night but she never speaks of them in the day. Sometimes she wakes up and moves just the smallest sliver closer to Regina. She flinches and loud noises sometimes but overall seems to be adjusting.

  
It does not take long for Tiana to take back her throne after Lady Tremaine is found dead. The ease of the whole situation unsettled her. Regina had not been thinking about the throne or the resistance when she’d done it. She is so grateful when Henry suggests they leave.

  
“We could take a trip back to Storybrooke, for a holiday. We could see Emma. I want her to meet Jacinda.”  
“That sounds perfect.”

* * *

The four of them touch down on Mifflin street midday. It’s bright and clear but cold, and her house is right there. Her garden has been left to die and her car is mysteriously not there, but that seems like a problem for tomorrow. “Come on” she gestured to the kids. “Let’s put our stuff inside before we call Emma.” Henry awkwardly showed Jacinda to his childhood bedroom, while Regina led Drizella to the biggest guest bedroom they had. The mansion had multiple guest bedrooms, the curse put them there automatically to fill up the massive house. They had not seen much use for most of the time Regina lived there. Emma used the smallest room that was wedged in between Regina and Henry’s rooms. This bigger room was further from the other rooms on the upstairs floor and had held the Charmings, Zelena, and Robyn in turn. Regina had just left Drizella alone when she heard the front door burst open. Regina took the stairs to the foyer at a run.

  
“Regina?” the intruder called out, and she should have known, she should have known Emma would not wait to be called. It was so very Emma to know that they were back within minutes of the portal opening. When the blonde comes into view Regina falters in her steps. She is visibly pregnant now, not huge but clearly pregnant, and she has chopped off all her princess curls, leaving her with a choppy lob.

  
Regina stops short an appropriate distance from Emma and says breathily. “We were gonna surprise you.”

In response Emma grins and opens her arms. Though they had only hugged twice in all the years they had known each other, Regina did not hesitate to step into Emma’s arms. “You can’t surprise me. I know you too well.” Emma whispers into her hair. When they pull apart Regina is smiling and feeling lighter again.

  
“Yeah” Regina whispersbreathily. “You do.” After another moment of thought she adds. "Emma did you take the Benz?"

  
Emma laughs "you weren't even using it."

  
And then Henry was down and he was hugging Emma and pulling Jacinda forward for an introduction. And Drizella, who must have heard the commotion was lingering back by the stairs and Regina was full of warmth and making an appeal to everyone: “Let’s just all have dinner together tonight, before we tell the Charmings or anyone else we're back. Everyone’s going to want to chat so much and they’ll all want to monopolize Henry”

Emma laughs at her antisocial tendencies but Regina knew she agrees. “I’ll get the food so you can all keep your cover tonight.”

  
“And the wine” Regina supplies.

“Lots of wine” Drizella chips in from her spot at the stairs.

Emma gets dinner from Granny’s. She insists that Regina shouldn’t have to cook when she’s just travelled across realms, though Regina thinks that’s bullshit. She also gets wine, lots of wine, Regina’s favourite (And Henry’s too even though he pretends he likes beer when Emma and David ask).

  
“Will the pirate be joining us?” Regina drawls after Emma returns. “He must be wondering where you are.”

  
The kids are all scattered to the wind, changing or setting the table or pouring the wine so they don’t see Emma stiffen. “The pirate is gone.”

  
“What! Emma-” Henry enters the room and Regina stops talking abruptly.

  
“Later” Emma whispers.

After dinner and dessert the three tipsy kids have stumbled their way upstairs leaving Emma and Regina alone. They settle onto the couch and there is a moment of tense silence before they both say:

  
“I missed you.”

  
“I missed you.”

  
Regina has had three glasses of wine and Emma has of course had none. Regina’s whole face feels a little hot and she giggles.

  
“I have a proposal. I’ll tell you what happened with Hook if you tell me what the deal is with Drizella." 

  
“There’s no-”

  
“Regina, I can always tell when you’re lying. There’s a deal.” Emma interrupts firmly.

  
“You go first.”

  
“I kicked him to the curb.” Emma says simply. “There’s not much to say other than that.”

  
“I daresay there is.”

  
Emma sighs once and rested her hands on the protruding stomach. “It started with small things. I noticed everything more after you left. It was like when I was missing you and Henry, when I was sad that my family was gone, he kept talking about how he and the baby were my family, like that made you and Henry matter less. And we were fighting and the fighting got worse when I couldn’t complain to you about it and I was just so unhappy and bored and-” Emma cuts herself off and looks at Regina. “It just wasn’t right.” Regina takes Emma’s hand in hers. “I’m sorry. That I didn’t go with you guys. You’re... It’s the three of us together. That’s how it should be.”

  
“More than three now.” Regina guesters at Emma’s stomach. Emma smiles and moves closer, not letting go of Regina’s hand.

  
“Speaking of growing numbers. I get that Jacinda is Henry’s girlfriend but where you lose me is who Drizella is.”

  
“It’s a long story.”

  
“I have time.”

  
Regina sighs. “You’ll know if I don’t tell you the truth won’t you?” Emma nods expectantly. “There was this woman in the realm where we were and she was causing havoc. Nothing too shocking, usurping thrones, plotting, honestly compared to me, or Cora or Rumple at his worst, she was a walk in the park.”

  
“Of course your majesty. No one can hold a candle to you” Emma teases.

  
Regina smacks her gently on the shoulder before continuing. “Then I met Drizella, by chance really. She was the daughter of that woman and she was just crying for help. Her emotions were so tangled up that it made her magic all tangled up too so I started helping her and she started talking to me. She told me about her mother and about the ways she was being treated and used and it just all felt...”

  
“Familiar”

  
“Yeah.” This is the part where Regina wants to lie, to smooth everything over, but she knew she couldn’t. She is glad really that no matter what she says Emma will see the truth. She could really confess, to Emma and Emma alone. “Then one day she asked me to help her kill her mother. She said it was the only way she’d ever be free of her. And I wanted to do the good hero thing, I really did. I wanted to talk about hope and morality and tell her that everything would be okay.” Her voice is starting to break a little. “But I thought about Cora and she was just so much like I was at that age and I thought about all the things I could have been if someone just killed her, and took me away.”

  
“Regina” Emma pulled her in but Regina couldn’t stop talking.

  
“She’s just so sweet, and she's talented and deadly smart but she’s a little battered and innocent and self conscious and angry. Maybe if someone had done it for me I would have gotten to stay innocent and sweet instead of letting the anger take over. So I said yes.” Emma tightens her grip around Regina. "I didn’t even let her stay in the room while I did it. It was so so easy to do, like I never forgot how. I figured there is no need to mar her heart when mine’s already so ruined. I can take care of it myself.”

  
“Your heart is perfect Regina.”

  
“I’ve felt so unsettled ever since. It’s like I don’t trust myself. I didn’t even hesitate. The first thing I thought was how easy it was. I’ve been lying to Henry and he knows it and now that I’ve killed her mother I'm scared I’ll ruin her anyways.”

  
Emma was stroking her back and she was crying in earnest now. “You’re not going to ruin anything. You gave that girl the best chance she could have gotten, and now the rest is up to her. We can tell Henry if you want but he knows something is wrong with you and he’s worried for you, not about you. We trust you Regina.” Regina forgot that sometimes, even now.

  
“They were all just kids playing at being royals really. One death and it solved all their problems. That’s one thing that I can do. I can bear the burden of the hard stuff so the kids get to stay innocent. What have I got to lose?”

  
“Stand up” Emma commands suddenly and there is nothing for Regina to do but obey. They stand facing each other, separated by mere inches, with Emma clasping both of Regina's hands in both of hers. Emma winds Regina’s hand around her neck, and wraps her own around the small of her back, like they were preparing for a slow dance. “You don’t have to carry everything. You don’t have to do penance. Regina I think your heart is perfect.” and she is making eye contact that seems to see all the way into Regina. “It’s not ruined. You did a good thing. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to make it easier to bear.”

  
“Don’t be silly, you were trying to do right by your family.”

  
“You’re my family.” They were really swaying now. Like middle schoolers at some dreadful school dance. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.”

  
And It hit Regina, how many times Emma had said it without saying it in this conversation. “Emma, I love you too.”

  
Emma’s brow furrows and she inhaled a little “Yeah?”

  
“Yeah” Regina confirms, nodding, still a little teary. Because of course she does. She always has. 

Emma leans in till their foreheads touch. She moves one hand up to the side of Regina’s face and tilts her chin up until their lips meet. The kiss is brief and sweet and soft and the warmest thing Regina has felt in months. It is a reassurance. They have this, they can have this forever. There is time for more passion later, in this moment it only has to be warm.  
There is a crash from the hallway, both women turn and see the kids. Drizella has a bottle of wine in each hand. Jacinda has the half-eaten chip bags. Henry’s hands are empty and there are three shattered wine glasses at his feet as he stares open mouthed. “Moms?”

  
Drizella starts laughing first but when Regina starts she laughs so hard she rests her forehead on Emma’s shoulder in front of her while her shoulders shake. She can feel Emma’s shoulders moving with the force of her laughter in turn. Emma has a hand on her back and everything is okay.


End file.
